Things Customers Say

Here are some conversations that took place at the diner I work at, between various waitresses and customers.

(Little Whitney)

I'll start with my favorite:
The Creepers
Me: "Hi, how are you?"
Creeper #1: "Horny."
Me: "........"

(Me)

Okay here is a fun one....
Me: Hi how are you doing today?? My name is...
Customer: COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Fuck you.


(Brik- the host, who is like 12 years old)

Me: "Is this okay"

Customer: "Yeah, sure, whatever."

*10 minutes go by*

Customer: "Is there a reason you seated us next to the vacuum cleaner? It's like you put us next to the damn bathroom"


(Amber-waitress)

Customer: What kind of vegetables can I get with my turkey and fillin?

Me: Well today we have mashed potatoes, french fries, pineapple chunks, macaroni salad, apple sauce, and white corn.

Customer: I'll have the peas and onions.

Me: We don't have that today.

Customer: Oh--well why didn't you say so? What do you have again?


(Angela- a waitress who only turned 18 this year)
(This is from a customer who we swear has to have dementia)

Dave:" Hey hey wanna come to my house and play hide the weiner?"
Me:......no.


(Me)
Here's another one I just thought of....

Me: Are you ready for ice cream?
Old Asswipe: I want Raspberry.
Me: I'm sorry, we don't have raspberry today.
Old Asswipe: well, you had it YESTERDAY!!!!
Me: Well, our icecreams change daily.
Old Asswipe: well, what DO you have.
Me: Chocolate, vanila, strawberry yogurt, diet butter pecan, and chocolate peanut butter.
Old Asswipe: WELL, I WANT RASPBERRY.
Me: Again, we DO NOT HAVE RASPBERRY.
Old Asswipe: Well, why the fuck do you have a diet icecream
I said: Sir, we have a large population of diabetic customers and that is why.
I thought: You old fuckface, what make you think you get to wipe your ass with a golden tissue? I should piss on your icecream and and give you vanilla with questionable sprinkles you old shitface!

(Sierra, Waitress, 17 yrs old)

Same customer as with Angela*

Dave: "Come home with me and live in my house with my seven wives"
Me: "No thanks."

(Me)

This happened yesterday....

Old asswipe: yes, hello. I have a question, in the spagetti with meatballs, just how many balls do I get?
Me: 4.
Old asswipe: REALLY? I'd think you only got 2! haha
Me: again, 4.
Old asswipe: does garlic toast come with this?
Me: no, it's 50 cents.
Old asswipe: Geez, alright, I want it.
Me: (placed the order, brought out the food)
Old asswipe: (looking at me, staring creepily)
Me: Is everything okay?
Old asswipe: Now, I'm not complaining, but I would just like to say, if I paid 50 cents for this...50 cents!!! I would think it would be...THICKER.
Me: I don't own the restaurant, I don't make the food, I just bring it out.
Old asswipe: No tip.
Me: FFFUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!